Silver Linings and Space

silver-linings-and-spaceIf we could make the space, perhaps things would not be so difficult. If we could slow down enough, the two year old might not seem so challenging, the assignment not so daunting, the marathon training not so epic. This is completely counter to the pervading culture of rush and busy-ness. Of doing, not being.

But I’m trying to give my body some space to do this miraculous thing it’s doing. It’s growing a brand new baby. At 25 weeks I began dramatically reducing work hours as my back could no longer tolerate sitting at a computer, I was too fatigued and sore to take care of my family. With a husband who works shift work (on very long, changing shifts, day or night), that’s not on. I put mechanisms in place to save energy where it could be saved and expend it where necessary.

Next year, I’ll be trying to create the space to be a mama with two small children. I’ll lay the foundations for my new baby’s life while recovering from pregnancy and coping with even worse sleep deprivation.

After that, I’ll be trying to wedge jigsaw pieces together in hopes that I can find the right pieces of Work, Family and Wellbeing (for me) that fit together with all the others.

As a mama with Fibromyalgia I already know that my concept of space needs to be a bit bigger than those without this illness. My Work puzzle piece may not look the same once I have two children, until they are at school. My Family piece will grow. My Wellbeing piece cannot shrink if I expect the whole puzzle to work.

Fibromyalgia has made creating space a necessity.

I cannot function without eight hours of sleep, I need rest and meditation, healthy eating is important and my body pays much sooner if I am not fueling it right, it needs gentle exercise and regular physio trips, some medicine and supplements.

This is the silver lining of Fibromyalgia, I cannot become one of those people who survive on limited sleep, food, no exercise or time to themselves. My body simply won’t allow it. If I want to look after my kids, I have to look after me first. It’s not a new concept, and everyone should be adhering to it, but I have the inability to ignore it. For this, I am grateful.